Derrick and I have a great marriage. It kind of reminds me of 50 First Dates, minus the memory loss and the Hawaiian tans, but Derrick does makes me fall in love with him every day. I've had a couple friends and family members who have talked to me about they're rough marriages lately. "When they are good they're great but when they're bad they are at war." I started thinking about what makes my marriage so great. Here are the things I came up with.
1. The Gospel - I know that we have an eternal marriage and that we will be together forever no matter what. We are connected to each other and to our children. I remember that little triangle that every girl learns about in Young Women's. As you become closer to Heavenly Father you come closer together as a couple. When we were first married we went to the temple every week. We did really great, even though we had to travel 45 minutes to Idaho Falls. Now that we have two kids and live two blocks from the temple we've had a harder time going but we've still tried to go at least once a month. Every time we go through the temple we grow closer together and more fully realize where we want to be now and a million years from now.
2. Service - They are rarely big acts of service. It's little things. Everytime I cook dinner or clean I think of who I'm doing it all for. Honestly, sometimes it's because people are coming over or it just needs it, but more often then not it is for Derrick. I want him to be happy at home. I want to be able to take care of him where I can. I like to pick up something extra when I go grocery shopping to give to Derrick. It could be a German candy of some sort that I've found or things to make a special meal that I know he'll like. I only go shopping once or twice a month so it's something that I can afford to do. Derrick will occasionally come home with something that he has recieved and saved from school or work so that he can share it with me. He will often tell me to sit down and take a break while he does dishes or takes care of the kids. Derrick always double checks with me that it is ok that he goes somewhere or does something just in case I've got something planned. He also tells me all the time that he regrets that he doesn't get more time at home with me or the kids. Even the simple words let me know that he wants to be with me and do things for me. We just try to keep each other in our thoughts.
3. Love and intimacy - "Love, twue love..." We try to be close to each other all the time. If we are sitting in the same room, we always try to sit next to each other. We hold hands any time we are sitting next to each other or walking together and don't have our hands full with something else. We write texts to each other everyday when we are apart to say I love you or miss you or couldn't imagine life without you. We occasionaly write little love notes to each other. We hug and kiss and take time to hold each other and talk to each other every day. I want to know how he is doing and he wants to know how I'm doing. We have concern for eachother's welfare.
4. Goals - We work on things together. We promised each other when we got married that we would never go to bed mad. If we have an arguement we fix it that day. We can both be stubborn but we know that in the end we really want to be together and happy. We take time at the end of the day, after we've put our kids to bed to sit down and talk. It's late sometimes but we know that it's important. Our temple trip every month has also been a goal that we've worked on. Even if we can't go together we are trying to each go. We also go on a date every week. We've added a date section to our budget. We like to go out to eat so I don't have to cook once a week, but we don't spend more than $60 a month. We have gone on short trips to a small town we haven't been to before, we've gone on picnics to duck ponds, we go to the temple and then out to ice cream, or we just go to dinner. It's the time that counts. We make time to be with each other, outside of the home every week. We take our kids for the most part, because they are too young for me to leave behind, but it is fun and we still get to talk and be together.
I'm sure there are other things that help us along the way as well. We definitely don't have a perfect marriage, we have our disagreements and rough times, but in the end I know we love each other and our family. We work on becoming better everyday. We've also been surrounded by great marriages and relationships our whole lives, from our wonderful parents, who we know love each other very much, to our aunts, uncles, and friends. They've set high standards and supreme examples. We've got a long way to go but if we can help anyone else have an easier time with some of the things that we've done we will. I'm so grateful for my superb, hiralious husband and everything he does to make my life wonderful.
14 years ago
